Written By: Clarissa Mangaran

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains discussions of suicidal ideation and self-harm involving children.

This is our family’s unique journey as we navigate our daughter’s struggles with depression, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Every child’s experience is different, and my hope is to encourage you to lean on prayer and God’s Word as you support your child.

A few years ago, our daughter began biblical counseling. Through it, she’s gained tools to see her thoughts and emotions through God’s perspective—and, importantly, she’s learned to trust us when she needs help. In our walk alongside our children, I’ve discovered the importance of knowing what our responsibility is, what our children are responsible for, and what only God can handle. Trying to do God’s work (or even our children’s work) only leads to fear, anxiety, and stress. 

Instead, I remind myself what I am responsible for (in no particular order):

  • Praying for wisdom, peace, and comfort: I rely on God as my source of strength.
  • Setting a godly example: My life should reflect an intimate relationship with God.
  • Praying for my children: I lift them up in prayer constantly.
  • Supporting my husband’s spiritual leadership: I give him room to guide our family.
  • Teaching and discipleship: I help my children discover and treasure God’s Word.
  • Correcting with love: I gently steer them back to Christ when they go astray.
  • Watching over them: I remain vigilant for negative patterns and act quickly.
  • Trust God: I believe He is working in their lives even when I can’t see it.

Not long ago, we began noticing changes in our daughter. She was isolating herself, spending long hours in her room, and withdrawing from family activities. Her behavior—rudeness toward her siblings, irritability, and disobedience—told us something was off. Because we own all the devices at home, we can keep an eye on her digital life. When my husband checked her Discord messages, he discovered she had reached out to friends in prayer about her urge to self-harm. I’m incredibly grateful for the caring friends who encouraged her to seek help.

After spending time in prayer, my husband and I approached her with gentle, open-ended questions. We wanted to invite conversation rather than interrogation, encouraging her to reflect on her daily habits. We want her to draw the connection between what she’s consuming and how she’s doing emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.

I have to remind her that when she is feeling down, she needs to ask herself the following questions:

  • Am I spending time in God’s Word and in prayer?
  • Am I getting enough sleep, nutritious food, and exercise?
  • Am I getting fresh air and sunshine each day?
  • What kind of music and media is am I consuming?
  • Am I engaging with family?

We believe that what we feed our minds, bodies, and spirits affects everything. To help her reset, we’re instituting a temporary electronics fast—except for schoolwork. This isn’t a punishment but a course correction to help her develop healthy habits and refocus on her relationship with the Lord. She now listens to instrumental or Christian music on an old-fashioned CD player and is encouraged to be accountable when using devices.

We’re also investing in her spiritual identity. I gifted her a devotional journal that focuses on who she is in Christ. Each week, we share our reflections together, reinforcing the truth that her worth is found in God’s love.

Despite the difficulty of this trial, there are countless reasons to praise the Lord. I am grateful for our home—a place where open conversation is the norm and we never shy away from tough topics. Although my daughter didn’t share her struggle with self-harm this time, I know she usually feels safe coming to us when she’s overwhelmed. I remind my children regularly that no question is off the table. While our answers may be simplified for their age and maturity, we always strive to respond prayerfully and thoughtfully. I’d rather they ask us the hard questions than seek uncertain answers elsewhere.

In the past, I wished God had made me more gentle and soft. Now I see that He made me stubborn, tenacious, and strong-willed because I needed to be that way for my children. God helps me do what’s right, even when passivity seems easier. I never give up fighting for them, confident that He designed and equipped me to be their mother. I am immeasurably grateful to witness what Christ is doing in their lives—He loves them even more than I do and is always working in their hearts.

Even in my daughter’s struggles, I have faith that God is bringing good from this situation—even when it’s hard to see. The challenges of motherhood keep me humble and on my knees before the Lord, ever in need of His presence, guidance, and provision. Every day, I am reminded that He is good, and I need Him desperately.

I cannot overstate the importance of praying for your children. From the moment you consider parenthood—even before becoming pregnant—prayer is essential to motherhood. Whether my children are thriving or facing challenges, prayer remains at the heart of our journey.

Here are just a few of the things I pray for on their behalf:

I pray for their Salvation. (John 10:28)

“Lord, Your Word says that You give us eternal life, and we will never perish, and that no one will snatch us out of Your hand. I pray that You give [child’s name] eternal life, that [child’s name] will never perish, and that no one will snatch [him/her] from Your hand. I pray You open their eyes to their need for You, and give them the desire to accept Jesus as [his/her] Lord and Savior.”

I pray for them to love His authority. (Matthew 28:18)

“Lord, Your Word says that Jesus came and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me.’ I pray that [child’s name] submits to Your authority. Help me to abide in You so that I can lead and discipline in a way that properly reflects Your glory to encourage [him/her] to love Your authority. Keep me from provoking [child’s name] to anger that could lead to [him/her] resenting Your authority.”

I pray for them to have tender hearts toward Jesus. (Ezekiel 36:26-27)

“Lord, Your Word says that You will give us a new heart, and a new spirit. It says that You will remove the heart of stone from our flesh and give us a heart of flesh. That You will put Your Spirit within us, and cause us to walk in Your statutes and be careful to obey Your commands. I pray that give [child’s name] a new heart and a new spirit. I pray that You remove [his/her] heart of stone and give [him/her] a heart of flesh. I pray You put Your Spirit within [child’s name] and cause [him/her] to walk in Your statutes and that [he/she] is careful to obey Your commandments. Help me to obey Your commands so that I am setting a godly example for my child.”

I pray that they are fertile soil for the seed of Christ to take root. (Matthew 13:23)

“Lord, Your Word says that what is sown in good soil, the one who hears the word and understands it, he indeed bears fruit and yields a hundredfold, or sixty, or thirty. I pray that [child’s name] is fertile soil for the seed of the Gospel. I pray against anything that would attempt to make [his/her] soil rocky or full of thorns. I pray the seed of the Gospel takes root and that Christ is the living water that nourishes their roots to grow deep and strong so that no matter what trials come [his/her] way in life, their faith in Jesus does not waiver. I pray that seed takes root and [child’s name] bears the fruit of the Spirit, and [he/she] reflects Your glory to a broken world in need of a Savior.”

I pray that God gives them the desires of His heart. (Psalm 119:33-40)

“Teach [child’s name], O Lord, the way of Your statutes; and help [him/her] to keep it to the end. Give [child’s name] understanding that [he/she] may keep Your Law and observe it with [his/her] whole heart. Lead [child’s name] in the path of Your commandments. Help [child’s name] to delight in You so that the desires of [his/her] heart align with Your heart, Lord. Incline [child’s name]’s heart to Your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn [his/her] eyes from looking at worthless things, and give [him/her] life in Your ways. Confirm to Your servant Your promise that You may be feared. Turn away the reproach that [he/she] dreads, for Your rules are good. Behold, [child’s name] longs for Your precepts; in Your righteousness, give [him/her] life!.”

I encourage you to pray these same prayers for your children and their friends—both now and in the future. Extend your prayers to include your children’s future spouses, who are likely already out there. Pray that their parents raise them in a godly home where they learn to love God’s Word, and above all, pray fervently for their salvation.

Parenting is hard, but we are never alone. God equips us with His Spirit, provides community, and offers us hope even in the darkest moments. I trust that—even in our struggles—He is working something good. Though this season is difficult, it has deepened our reliance on Him, and I believe our family will emerge stronger on the other side.

Remember: seek the help you need, keep praying, and know that your child is worth every effort.

Written By: Clarissa Mangaran