I’ve been on a journey to find freedom in Christ from the “Angry Mama” I’ve been for far too long.
I’ve had days when my husband has been gone for a while because of work and I’ve hit my wall of listening to screaming, crying, and whining. I lose my temper and end up yelling at the kids. That’s when the whispers start.
Whispers
The enemy whispers, “You’re the only one who struggles to find joy in motherhood. Other mothers can handle raising kids alone while their husbands are gone all the time and still be gentle and patient with their children. Why did God trust you with four kids? You’re doing a terrible job.”
But the Holy Spirit is whispering too.
He whispers the Truth. “You have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you. You have access to the fruit of the Spirit. You can have peace, joy, patience because your Heavenly Father gives abundantly out of His redeeming, unceasing love. God designed you with everything you need for your children as their mother.”
Everyday I have to choose whose whisper I will allow to speak into my life. To be honest, for far too long I allowed the wrong voice to dominate my thoughts, taking me down a road full of angry outbursts and shutting down emotionally. I knew my anger and yelling was hurting my relationship with the kids, but I felt powerless to stop.
But God.
He grabbed a hold of me and turned my whole world upside down. He revealed Himself to me and taught me how to listen for His whisper instead. In my youth, I vowed I would never let anyone disrespect me and treat me badly ever again. The enemy wanted me blind to the connection, but the Lord showed me that when my children were disobeying me it was subconsciously reminding me of past hurts and the vow I made. When I realized what was really going on I knew things were about to change for the better. The change hasn’t happened overnight. The change from “Angry Mama” to a more Christ-centered mama is a process that has continued and will continue for years. But change is happening!
Who are you listening to?
Whose whispers are you allowing to speak into your life?
The world has a lot to say about motherhood, but most of it is a sad counterfeit for what God has to say. What lie are you believing about motherhood?
- Mothers need to do and be everything…and perfectly at that.
- Mothers are responsible for their kids’ happiness and behavior.
- We need wine and/or coffee to just get through everyday life.
Seemingly innocent societal sentiments on motherhood can end up shaping how we view our experience of parenting, affecting our attitude and behavior towards our kids, all without us realizing it.
Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
You want freedom in motherhood? Use Romans 12:2 as encouragement to seek God’s Truth about His design and purpose for motherhood. Instead, let His Truth shape your perspective and direct your attitude and behavior towards your kids.
Why do I still get so frustrated?
With all that said, why do I still struggle with anger and impatience?
Romans 7:18-20 – “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”
God’s Word says that when we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us our hearts desire to do what is good (according to God), but our flesh causes us to do what we don’t want to do (sin). My heart longs to be the kind of mother God has designed me to be for my children, but sometimes my flesh takes over and allows anger to run the show. The truth is our struggle to do what is right and good is part of life on earth, it’s part of our refining process. Along the same lines, our children, who are still developing, also struggle to do what is right. Instead of being angry when they misbehave, our response should be understanding. We should tell our children we understand that they desire to do the right thing but their flesh takes over sometimes. It’s not an excuse but doing what is right takes practice over time. Having this perspective has had a dramatic impact on my attitude.
What now?
My husband is gone, again, and the kids are disobeying, arguing non-stop, whining and/or complaining incessantly. My blood pressure is rising and my patience is dwindling. What do I do?
- I remind myself of my goals in motherhood.
When my children are no longer under my roof they will also no longer be under my authority. However, the authority they will always be under is God’s. I want to teach my children now, through my example to follow God’s authority. God’s authority is the source of provision, protection, and love. If I’m behaving like an angry tyrant am I showing them that God’s authority is good? When I feel angry I remember my goal as a godly mother, and my anger subsides long enough for me to respond to the situation instead of reacting to my emotions, allowing me to be a better example of God’s authority.
2. I remind myself that my emotional reactions are rooted in my past hurts.
When I remember that God revealed to me that the children’s disrespectful actions were subconsciously reminding me of past hurts it changes my perspective on the situation. I ask God for help in the moment and thank Him for the healing that has already taken place.
3. I take an “Angry Mama Time-out”.
Sometimes parents need a time-out as well! If I feel my anger rising I take a minute to step out and pray. The image I envision during a “time-out” is climbing into my Daddy’s lap, Him holding me and comforting me while I let go of what weighs heavy on my heart. It usually isn’t long before I calm down and I’m ready to tackle whatever mess is going on.
4. I stop labeling myself as the “Angry Mama”
When I label myself as the “Angry Mama” I am in danger of going against what God has already declared as “fearfully and wonderfully made”. When I label myself as the “Angry Mama” I am in danger of missing out on God’s calling on my life as a faith-filled, Kingdom warrior. When I label myself as the “Angry Mama” I am in danger of quenching the Holy Spirit’s effectiveness through me for those around me. I am in danger when I label myself in any other way than what God has said in His Word because, when I do so, I am operating out of a lie. Ifeel anger sometimes. I am not an angry mother. It is not what defines me. God, as my creator is the only one qualified to define me.
It’s Time For Some Fun!
I love spontaneity and adventure. I love learning about the world around me by exploring, reading books, going to museums, etc. God has blessed me with a naturally inquisitive and curious spirit. One thing I’ve realized is that I tend to fall into “Angry Mama Mode” when I’m spending far too much time on the everyday responsibilities and not enough time having fun with my kids. When I’m thinking about and planning the next fun activity I get to do with my family, the “Angry Mama” gets a huge blow. It’s hard to be angry when you’re thinking about fun! My absolute favorite thing to do is to surprise my children with a fun experience! Creating an atmosphere of fun and connection is a gifting I have and yet is sadly so underutilized. When I am operating in my gifting within the context of my family I absolutely gleam with the light of the Holy Spirit.
And you know what? Sometimes those very moments that can send the “Angry Mama” off can be the most hilarious memories that stick with us forever. Laughter is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us. And what a blessing laughter is when everyone is screaming because the youngest has just pooped and it’s leaking down her leg all over the floor and onto the carpet….oh and did I mention that it is somehow all over her hands as well??
Lord, help us not to lose sight of fun in our parenting!
God is Good
Matthew 28:19-20 – “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Our Heavenly Father is so good. He wants us to be victorious in every aspect of our lives, and especially in our parenting. You know the saying, “God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.” We aren’t called to motherhood because we can do it perfectly on our own will. He doesn’t leave us to figure it all out on our own either. God equips us along the way, throughout our journey of motherhood. God grows us in character and gently guides us through every new season and every hardship of child-rearing.
When He commanded Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28) I believe it was about so much more than procreation. As our children grow and they witness the fruit of the Spirit (i.e. love, joy, peace, patience, etc) in us that result from spending time with God, the hope is that they will also bear the fruit of the Spirit by having their own intimate relationship with God.
The point is not to be perfect as a mother, to never have angry outbursts or mess up in any way. The point is to fall in love with our Savior, for Him to transform us to be more like Him, and to make room for Him to be in charge. So I know, in faith, that each day is one step further from the “Angry Mama” and one step closer to the godly mother and woman God has designed me to be.
What lies about motherhood have you struggled with?
What areas of motherhood have you found victory in?
Written By: Clarissa Mangaran
You can follow Clarissa on her YouTube Channel, Unshakable Love, where her husband and herself share their journey, give hope and encouragement to other couples.
