In 2nd grade, I was riding the bus home with a friend just outside Lusk, Wyoming when something happened that would impact me for years to come and many other events like it. My family was getting ready to move to another town and I was trying to get a few last sleepovers in with my friends before leaving. This particular friend I rode home with lived in the country and my parents allowed me to spend the whole weekend with her. When the bus finally came to a stop, I picked up my bag and unloaded the bus behind my friend. I sat my bag down on the ground only to be met with screams to move it.

You see, a few days prior, my friend’s class had planted beans in Dixie cups, progressively watching them grow into little sprouts and then took them home to watch them grow even more. I was unaware that she had set it down on the ground right where my bag landed. She picked up the now squashed Dixie cup, cradled it in her hands and began crying. She turned and ran back to her house down the long dusty dirt road that seemed to go on forever. I tried running after her but my little legs and the weight of my bag left me unable to keep up. Once I finally made it down the stretch of road to her house, my friend refused to talk to me for what seemed like hours (even though I’m sure it wasn’t). I remained apologetic but this event would set the mood for the whole weekend in her heart.

The next day, we headed out to a cattle ranch to my first ever cattle branding! I remember feeling so important to be a part of a gathering of this sort. I didn’t grow up on a ranch, despite what people think when they hear that I am from Wyoming. I lived within the town limits of Lusk, population 1,500, where my dad was the 2nd generation owner of a construction business in the small rural ranching community. The kids at school would always talk about how fun cattle branding was. Stories were told of running around all day with other ranch friends, hiding in barns, riding horses and of course branding the cows! This was finally my chance!

That morning, I could tell my friend was still struggling to forgive me. It showed in her attitude toward me and then seemed to carry onto the other kids at the cattle ranch. I remember being the odd one out that day. We played tag and I was “it”. I was the last one picked for games that had teams. During hide-n-seek, everyone kept designating me as the “seeker”. At one point, everyone hid from me in the barn, and as I looked for them they all threw hay at me at once. While riding horses, they abandoned me out in a field. While we played on the trampoline the kids constantly tried to push me off.

My little heart was crushed, my hopes and expectations for the weekend shattered. What had I done to deserve this and what was it about me that caused others to treat me so badly? This is one of my earliest memories of rejection and self-doubt that I can remember that significantly affected my self-esteem. We moved shortly after, and my wounded self-esteem would continue to impact all of my friendships for a long time. I don’t remember a time I didn’t feel rejected. I became a master at becoming who I thought everyone else wanted me to be so that I would be “cool” to them. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I allowed what others thought of me to shape my identity, all the while hearing stories in the Bible of how God had made me just the way I was and for a purpose. How could that be true if others didn’t like me and I didn’t like me either?

That little girl that would go on for years feeling rejected, insecure, worthless, unable to please anyone is standing in victory in her identity today. I’m not saying that I’m not tempted by those same old lies that played in my head day after day and year after year, I just know how to put truth to them now. That little girl had a crack, a crack in her biblical foundation which was set at the earliest memories of Sunday school, sermons, and bedtime bible stories. That crack was unbelief. Unbelief that I was who God said I was. I needed to believe what God said about me and allow Him to mold my character into His likeness instead of trying to be like everyone else.

Here I am at 34 years old, living in a completely different view of who I am. I have learned that it’s a good thing to be different than those around me. I have learned that others will treat me badly at times, and it is not a reflection of who I am but a reflection of how they choose to treat others. God has given me eyes to love even those who have hurt me and even choose forgiveness. I also learned that there was some ugly stuff in my character that didn’t reflect Christ. He showed me what those were and how to change them.

There is so much more to tell about the transformation that brought me to write this blog, on this website, among the beautiful ladies of Women Soaring, but I want to tell you about who I believe now. It’s Jesus. He is the One that I have chosen to believe. He is the One that I have taken every step of faith towards and has continued to confirm my identity. Belief is still a daily battle that I step into everyday, fitted with God’s armor (Eph. 6:10-18). When the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10), I remember what is true.

* I am made with a purpose (Jer. 29:11)

* I am wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14)

* I am made in His likeness (Gen. 1:27)

* I am kept by grace (2 Cor.1:20-22)

* I am given His peace (John 16:33)

* I am redeemed (Eph. 1:7)

* I am restored (1 Peter 5:10)

* I am renewed (2 Cor. 4:16) and…

* I am promised glory (Romans 8:17)

What are you believing about yourself that doesn’t line up with scripture? Are you spending time in God’s Word to bring you confidence in who He is, which then shows you who you are? What things of the past have you let define you that are affecting your confidence now?

God will give you the strength through His Holy Spirit to walk forward in confidence in who He says you are and replace old lies with truth. I know He will because He has for me. God loves and adores you the same. But first you must know the truth.

Here are two books that I recommend to help expose the lies you have been believing and help you put truth to your identity in Christ:

Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Identity Theft: Reclaiming the Truth of Who We Are in Christ edited by Melissa Kruger

Are you ready to break free? Let’s live in truth and let go of unbelief. Reclaim your identity!

Written By: Kari Dickson