Written By: Kari Wiegand
In my last blog “Expectations” I told you about the time I learned that, in order for my expectations to be met, I needed to make sure I voiced what they were. In the example I used, my husband was totally on board and amazingly accommodating. But what about when my needs and wants aren’t met right away? What if it’s something way more important to me than making my birthday special? What if my husband saying “Not right now” delays what I believe to be my God-given purpose?
When my husband and I were dating we had discussed, and were in total agreement, that we wanted multiple children and that I would stay home to care for them. A husband who was on board with my being a stay-at-home mom was one of my biggest prayers for my future spouse.
Fast forward 3 months in to our marriage and we started to discuss the timing of having children. In my mind, the plan was to get married and start having babies. My husband’s plan was FAR different. He started to lay out his timeline. “I want to get out of the Navy so I don’t feel reliant on them to provide for my family. I’ll probably have to go to school for at least a couple years after that. Worst case, we could start having kids in 6 years.” Six YEARS! Y’all. My heart broke. Tears immediately started falling. Even as I type this 8+ years later, my eyes are welling up. I did what I could in the moment. I explained to him my disappointment and asked if we could re-discuss the timing in a year. He said sure, and that was that.
I prayed that God would change my husband’s mind. I prayed that I might unintentionally become pregnant. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. A year came and my husband was still adamant about getting out of the Navy and being financial stable before trying for kids. Now please don’t misunderstand, I never wanted my husband to feel “stuck” in a career field and I knew he badly wanted to be out of the military (his thought was that if we had kids while he was still in, he would be too nervous to get out of the Navy since staying in would ensure a stable paycheck and health insurance). And being financially stable before bringing children into the world is a totally logical step.
Over the next 4 years while I was waiting to step in to my purpose, I made some great friends, joined a fun small group of other military wives at my church, I served on the boat’s Family Readiness Group (FRG) board, had a lot of great experiences, and I ended up babysitting for two families who were true blessings to me (and still are!). My husband and I were able to spend the first few years of our marriage just hanging out and growing with one another (with a few deployments thrown in, of course). It really was a fun time that I cherish. But there were also times I broke down crying, wondering why, if God put this desire in my heart and led me to a spouse who was on board with my ultimate goal, would He also have me wait so long?
During that time I had no choice but to lean in to God, develop my patience, and appreciate the sweet things in life even if it didn’t look the way I thought it should.
In 2017, 6 years after our initial discussion about timing, my husband and I decided to try to have children. That’s right, I had to wait the full 6 years. But in those 6 years my husband’s new career path took us back to his hometown, where a good chunk of his family still live, and is just a short, 6 hour drive from most of my family. This meant that we had a built-in support system, my mom was able to be there for the birth, and our son doesn’t have to get to know his family only through a screen (though I’m so very grateful that we have that option!). On top of that, I had a wonderful pregnancy, a fantastic midwife, and my son, from the beginning, has been such an easy baby and is a true joy to be around. I honestly couldn’t have imagined a better scenario. God knows what He’s doing.
If you feel like you’re waiting on someone else to be able to fulfill your purpose, let me encourage you that God is ultimately in control. He designed you. He knows what brings you joy, what breaks your heart. He knows which people you need surrounding and supporting you, and what lessons you still need to learn. Keep walking with Him and pursuing growth in all areas of your life.
I’d like to leave you with a few scriptures about waiting and purpose that are near and dear to my heart:
“May He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans.” – Psalm 20:4
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” – Psalm 27:14
“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you.” – Psalm 37:4-5
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.” – Psalm 57:2
“The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” – Psalm 84:11b
Written By: Kari Wiegand