Written By: Clarissa Mangaran
Being a parent in today’s world comes with its own set of unique challenges, especially with the prevalence of the internet and various electronic devices that are a staple in most American households. Yet, the struggle between our children’s sin nature and our desire to protect and raise them well remains timeless.
As we embark on another homeschool year, we find ourselves re-evaluating our boundaries around electronic use for our children. With each passing year, as our children grow and mature, their needs and levels of self-control change. Some of our kids handle electronics better than others, and my husband and I take these differences into account when setting rules for our four children, who are now 7, 9, 14, and 16 years old.
I remember when my kids used to constantly ask if they could use my iPad or watch television. It drove me crazy! Before we established clear rules, I was inconsistent with their screen time and the consequences of their disobedience.
Creating healthy, consistent boundaries was a game-changer.
Now, we have designated days when we fast from electronics. Aside from homework that requires the internet, we avoid using phones, tablets, and television three days a week. On days when electronics are allowed, the kids can use them only after 4 PM and only after they’ve completed their school assignments and chores, spent at least an hour outside, and engaged in some physical activity. When they do use electronics, they must do so in public spaces for accountability, and they set timers based on their age. They also take at least an hour break before getting back on, and all electronics must be turned off 30 minutes before bedtime to help their minds unwind before going to sleep.
Our family agreed on fair consequences for breaking these rules, which helps maintain consistency and reduces conflict. Every child responds differently to rules, especially regarding electronics. Maturity isn’t always tied to age; sometimes, younger children may be more trustworthy than their older siblings. It’s okay to have more safeguards for a child who struggles with integrity and self-control.
Our approach is not a one-size-fits-all solution for every family, but this is what works best for us. We allow our children to use electronics because, like God planting the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, we want to give them the chance to practice obedience within safe boundaries. This helps them develop the “muscle” of self-control, so they don’t feel the need to overindulge when they’re on their own.
Having clear boundaries prevents decision fatigue for me. Our children all know the expectations. If my younger kids ask to use electronics, I just ask them what time it is and whether they’ve completed their tasks. Over time, they’ve stopped asking before the allowed time and now list their completed tasks without prompting. When they do disobey, as children do, I don’t need to get angry because we all agreed to the consequences. This consistency protects our relationship, as they understand what to expect and accept the outcomes of their actions.
I remind my children that while electronics are a part of life, they are designed to be addictive and must be mastered. We discuss idolatry and how it can hurt our relationship with God and with others. Excessive focus on electronics can detract from meaningful face-to-face connections. We must view electronics through the lens of our greatest calling: to deepen our relationship with God, mature in our faith, and love our neighbors.
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)
Electronics are powerful tools that are neutral in themselves. How they are used and the heart of the user determine whether their use is sinful or not. They can be used for education, exploring interests, earning an income, or connecting with loved ones. Conversely, they can lead to isolation, obsession, and sinful idolatry. Because children’s minds aren’t fully developed until around 25 years old, they need our guidance to set healthy boundaries and understand how overuse can hinder their relationship with God and others.
Ultimately, it’s a heart issue.
“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:43-45)
Setting limits on electronics is not about deprivation but about teaching our children to have a healthy relationship with them. It frees their minds to focus on other activities, and it frees me from decision fatigue. Teaching our children to manage electronics well is another means of teaching them how to honor and glorify the Lord. If our attitude is to live out of the abundance of gratitude towards Christ for our Salvation, it’s a lot harder to make an idol out of something that is trivial in the grand scheme of things.
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)
May we all encourage and guide our children in a way that honors God and strengthens our family bonds.
Written By: Clarissa Mangaran
