Written By: Laura Gethers
We’ve all heard that saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” If you are anything like me, you may have heard this saying and thought that it was your husband’s responsibility to make you happy. Well, I am here to tell you that your husband may have a lot of superpowers, but making you happy is not one of them.
How do I know? Well, I can remember one season (it was a very long season) in my marriage when my husband was doing everything he possibly could to make me happy. However, no matter what he did, it wasn’t enough. I would be happy for a moment, but I eventually went back to murmuring and complaining.
The truth is I wasn’t complete. I didn’t feel whole. I disliked everything: my job, where we lived, my weight, and the list went on and on. All I did was complain. For real, I complained so much I got tired of hearing myself complaining. My husband would offer solutions, and no matter how great they were, I found a reason why it wouldn’t work. One day it hit me that I was making my husband miserable. I could not remember the last time I had come home from work and had something good to share. I could not remember the last time I came back from work happy. I thought about my husband and how he was trying so hard to make me happy, and he couldn’t.
I was so focused on me that I had never stopped to consider him. I never thought how my constant complaining was affecting him. After all, no one wants to be around, nevertheless be married to someone who is always complaining.
I then began to think about God, and how He must feel knowing that instead of being grateful for the job that he provided for me, (you know the one I prayed about and practically begged Him to give me), I complained about it. Instead of being thankful for my home, I complained about the location, the neighbors, and the homeowner’s association. After I repented to God and asked my husband for forgiveness, I began to develop and implement strategies to help me cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
I would like to share them with you.
- Create a gratitude list. Write or say aloud three things that you are grateful for each morning. Once I changed my morning routine to one where I would wake up and start thanking God for whatever came to mind, my heart, my attitude, and my marriage changed.
- Find a scripture on gratitude and commit it to memory. Having a go-to scripture gives you something to meditate on other than your problems. Whenever I found myself about to complain, I would quote my scripture aloud. Sometimes I would say it once, and my heart would refocus, while at other times, I would sound like a broken record. Nevertheless, I said it until I could feel the shift in my heart. The scripture I used was Psalm 136:1, “Oh give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good and his mercy endureth forever.”
- Get an accountability partner. Having an accountability partner increases the odds of you growing this area. After all, if you know that you are going to have to give a report, you are more likely to make a conscious effort to grow. Your accountability partner has to be someone you can be vulnerable with, and they must be someone who will lovingly hold you accountable for your actions and encourage you to grow in this area. DO NOT choose someone who will make excuses for your behavior. Having someone who will excuse your behavior and not hold you accountable will result in your lack of growth. An accountability partner does just that HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE!
Recently, my husband acknowledged the change that had taken place in my life. I reminded him it’s not, “Happy wife, happy life”, but that it should be, “Happy spouse, happy house.” Each person in the marriage is responsible for their personal growth. You can support and encourage each other, but it’s not your responsibility to bring forth change in your spouse’s life. So while my husband can tell a joke to make me laugh or buy me a gift to make me smile, he can not make me happy, nor is it his responsibility. Happiness is something that comes from within and something that I must cultivate.
As spouses, we are capable of creating a home full of peace, joy, and love. I believe that all starts with having an attitude of gratitude, finding the small, simple things in life to be thankful for. Therefore, if you want to be a “Happy Wife,” I would encourage you to create a happy life, one that is full of thanksgiving and contentment, and one that glorifies God and not your current situation.
Written By: Laura Gethers
