Written By: Ashley Elliott

Why is it so easy to compliment others yet so hard to compliment ourselves? It is nice to scroll through social media and see women lifting one another up with “you’re such a good mom!” and “#momgoals” and “you’re amazing!” Words of affirmation are a great way to send someone support and love, but how often are you doing the same for yourself?

We have all heard, I’m sure many times before, that comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t compare yourself to others…seems simple. In fact, this is a concept that I have already started teaching my children as well – you can’t base your happiness, success, worth, value, etc. off of others because that’s a never-ending thread to unwind. It’s not that we shouldn’t be inspired, motivated, and encouraged by others. We do, however, need to be aware of who is holding the measuring stick (for the things mentioned above – happiness, success, worth, value, etc.) and which measuring stick we’re using.

Here’s a game: Who’s the Better Mom?

  • (1.) A. stay- at home mom; B. Mon-Fri works out of the house mom; or C. mom that bounces in and out of the home office.
  • (2.) A. makes gourmet meals from scratch every night; B. uses a meal service; or C. freezer dinner queen.
  • (3.) A. house is magazine-photoshoot-ready 95% of the time; B. dishes are always piled high; or C. has never once thought about scrubbing her baseboards.
  • (4.) A. the one who knows how to sew; B. the one who runs a home farm; or C. the one who has started her own business.
  • (5.) A. the single mom; B. the stepmom; or C. the mom in a rocky marriage.
  • (6.) A. bought their kid a birthday cake; B. made their kid a birthday cake; or C. stuck a candle in a birthday cookie.
  • (7.) A. only buys brand new; B. only buys second-hand; or C. practices Marie Kondo.
  • (8.) A. splurges for designer clothes; B. always coordinating with accessories; or C. dresses in “sport-mode.”

There is no answer key for this game because there is no one correct answer. Have you ever caught yourself playing this game as you judge one of these moms? Either scoffing at someone for having a messy house, or praising someone for making a homemade craft, or feeling down because you only had time to bring a store-bought treat to the potluck. Yes, this includes judging yourself! Looking back to these questions, are these parameters enough for measuring “a good mom”? What if I asked who is the better soccer player? A. the player who wears blue; B. the player who eats vegan; or C. the player who likes math? 

If you really want to get to the bottom of what qualifies a “better” or “good” mom you must first define what a mom is. Back to the question I posed right before the game – Which measuring stick are you using? I think it is fair to say that most of us develop our beliefs from the pressure of our society, the Christian community, the experiences with our own parents, and through expectations of friends, family, and media. Since this is my blog post, I’ll share what’s on my own measuring stick. I can tell you straight off the bat that cooking, cleaning, fashion, organization, career, and marital status are not on the top of my list. Through my experience, scripture reading, mentor moms, and prayer I am confident that my identity and worth as a mom is not going to teeter on my Instagram account, my dinner presentation, the marketability of my hobbies, the “white glove” test on my shelves, my messy mom bun, etc. 

How am I loving my children? What’s my rating on giving patience and empathy? What am I teaching my children? What lessons am I guiding my child through? What does my relationship with God look like? What examples am I providing, and what boundaries have I set? What community have I surrounded them with? Or, hey, do they have the basic life essentials of food, water, and shelter? These are questions I can use to push myself and set goals. These are questions I can use to gauge if I had a good day. These are questions I can use to evaluate and grow. These are questions for my measuring stick.

“I’ll hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.” -Emily Ley

Let’s continue to pat each other on the back for areas that we are excelling in, let’s continue to give compliments, let’s continue to inspire, let’s continue to motivate. But let us not forget to calibrate our own measuring sticks. Or better yet, let’s allow God’s Word to be our measuring sticks. With our faith grounded and our hearts in line with God’s will, we can find our self-worth without comparing ourselves to other mothers. That’s right; your worth has nothing to do with the next lane, nothing. Take time this Mother’s Day to reflect on all the ways you are rocking motherhood, areas you need to improve, and places where you need to realign. Raising the next generation of adults is such a precious task, one that takes a lot of strength, much flexibility, and as much patience as we can muster. Your efforts are worth celebrating in the areas where you are measuring up. 

So I’m sending you warm Happy Mother’s Day wishes, and I’m high-fiving you as you continue on with doing your best. 

Whether you are a mom or not, in what way can you compliment yourself today? If you are finding the joy sucked out of your day, having a hard time finding the positive, and continually finding your head swelling with toxic thoughts, I want to encourage you to reach out to this group or someone that you trust. It is important to give those places in your mind the attention and healing they need. Our minds can be a messy place, but lucky for us, Jesus is the breaker of chains.

A verse for your measuring stick:

 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

Written By: Ashley Elliott