Written By: Alora Yee
Most have heard things said like, “You can’t bury your pain, you have to face it,” and “You can’t just know your pain, or even walk around your pain, you must walk through your pain.” What does this look like in action?
God has given me a metaphor for my personal experiences of ‘walking through my pain.’ A mirage of water in the desert. The closer you get to the mirage, the closer you find yourself in the reality that there is no water at all. Right where the pond of water would have been that you saw back there- nothing.
Much of the pain in my life turned out to be complete lies. The worst pain of all has been feeling worthless. The more I chased where this lie came from, the more I began to see it for what it really was.
My biological father was consumed with his drug addiction and nowhere to be found from the ages of 7 to 17. For ten years, I felt abandoned. I was convinced the reason my father chose drugs over me was because I wasn’t enough. And because of my conviction, I blamed my father for all of my pain.
God has given me eyes to see His truths now. I am so loved by my Heavenly Father. I have never been fatherless. I am worthy enough for Jesus to die for. My father is, as well. God has also given me eyes to see my father’s brokenness. I believe he may distance himself from me because he feels shame and feels unworthy of any love.
Pain can so easily distort our vision and perception. “I’ll just be a burden to them anyway,” or “If they knew the real me, they wouldn’t love me,” or even, “No one would understand anyway.” The corroding effect of pain left unchecked, buried, and never talked about, transforms into shame. Whether we have done something bad or something bad has been done to us, we can’t help but think, “there’s something wrong with me.”
When we confess and talk about things to someone safe, who we can trust, we’re exposing our pain. We bring to light what we’ve protected so intensely in the dark. Our perception of truth, our mirage -my belief of unworthiness- gets exposed. Where I saw so much unworthiness, I now see so clearly was a lie.
“.. for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and He sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)
No wonder Jesus never condemned anyone. No wonder Jesus was so filled with grace toward others. It’s as if Jesus wouldn’t have been able to stand the thought of someone being anything but worthy! Jesus, Himself, despises shame, which so violently attached itself to His pain.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)
Confession brings wholeness. Confession brings transformation. Confession is the catalyst to walking through our pain and getting to the other side, which is not our truth, understanding, or perception, but His! So walk boldly into those deep, dark and deceiving pains of your life head-on, because God has said:
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19)
Father, I pray for anyone reading this in pain, despair, or struggle. Father, You are our comfort and refuge. We can rest and hide under Your wings. If we stumble, Your strong hand is there to help us up. We are not hopeless, helpless, or worthless because we have a God who calls us His own, His most prized. Give them eyes to see Your love for them, and to see themselves as You see Your children. Thank you, Jesus, for despising shame and for loving us so greatly, You defeated death itself for us. May joy overwhelm in Him, by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Written By: Alora Yee