Written Tayler Cathrine
I often hear people talk about how church hurts and why they no longer continue to go or serve. While I do not agree with those two responses, I can understand the hurts. There was a church I was very involved with. I was a leader in the youth and worship team. I did mission work, and I even worked at the church in children’s ministry. Some very difficult situations occurred at this church, which were mishandling, in my opinion. Between the awful circumstances in which I assure you the enemy was working double-time, I didn’t realize the damage it had done to me personally and my spirit. I tried to get past it and moved onto a different church. I chose to join the choir, but unfortunately, as the military does, we moved soon after, and it was very short-lived.
Now here comes my dry season.
My heart yearned to be part of a worship team. It felt as if I lost a massive portion of myself. The hurt from the messed-up situation I came from ran deep, causing me to avoid any involvement with future churches. The longer I stayed away from it, the more the enemy spoke. The lies began, and I believed them. I said to myself, “it’s been too long.” “My voice isn’t good anymore.” “I’m too old.” “I have kids now.” “I’m busy.”
Now some of those things are true. I do have five kids. I can be busy at times, but I knew the enemy was keeping me from feeling alive in Christ. Worship gives life! We are called to worship. Our spirit yearns for it, and God delights in it! I went through years of avoiding worship in church but kept worshipping God in private, where I typically was in tears. I knew I was missing a portion of God, and my soul felt it. I mourned spiritually.
“Then Jesus said to him, ‘Be gone, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve.'” (Matthew 4:10)
13 years later, a beautiful lady spoke words over me about worship, saying God was giving her a word for me. It pierced straight through where I could not deny the truth. A couple of weeks later, after much prayer, I felt strongly led to join the worship team. I knew this was a crucial component of my healing. I stopped avoiding worship at church. I came to a healthy place of having worship in my home all the time and freely worshipping at church. I began teaching piano again. Thankfully it has come full circle. Though the sorrow and tears that filled me for a few years were hard, it was part of my journey.
I ask you, what are you hiding from that God has called you to? Gifted you in? This is different for each of us. God has designed and called us to be used for Him in different ways. I pray you seek His wisdom and that you are faithful in moving forward in it. I did it. It scared me, but I did it. I still get all the feels when I think about it, but God has been faithful to open an opportunity to serve Him in a safe environment. I am humbled that He has chosen to use me in this way and for me to experience Him in a deeper way. I have been able to feel His holy presence. I have been able to witness Him show up and show off during worship. I am beyond blessed to have been able to experience Him in this way, and I can’t believe that I could have missed out on experiencing Him on this new level.
Dear Lord,
I pray that you use your daughter mightily. You have created her for such a time as this. Use her right where she is. I pray that she boldly follows YOU in all she does. That you give her such piercing clarity on what you have called her to do. I thank you for your faithfulness, love, and healing comfort.
In Jesus Name,
AMEN
“Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!” (Psalm 95:6)
Written By: Tayler Cathrine
